Original article: https://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404850673606066311#_0
Original author: 忽漫相逢是别筵
3 days have passed since the winter solstice in 2022. When I wake up every night during these 3 days, I looked at the flickering lights outside the window, and I would still be thinking that I was sitting in Baoli Theater in a daze. There was no one else around, only the shining Patient No. 5 on the stage, and me in the corner of the stage watching him devotedly.
Yes, I met Xiao Zhan, the person I wanted to see with all my heart, and whom I cherished as a treasure and loved deeply for 3 years. No, to be precise, what I saw was 8 hours of Patient No. 5 and 3 minutes of Xiao Zhan. As I said before, why I still couldn’t see clearly when I saw him so close, besides the glow all over his body, it was also because that’s not Xiao Zhan, even though he had the same face and tall and thin figure, but he has completely entered the body of Patient No. 5, it was a patient with a long-term fever, with a pale face, a slightly sweaty forehead, and a slightly hunched back that was tortured by illness and impermanence. He had the sense of exhaustion that he had to stop for a rest after walking a few steps… It was such a man also brought me into the dream. During the 8 hours of watching the play, I followed him to experience all the joys and sorrows, as if I had exhausted all my strength. I still haven’t woken up from this dream…
Before entering the dream
Surreal was my biggest sensation. Starting from snatching tickets, I spent ten days in a trance even before entering the dream. Everyone knew the special nature of “A Dream Like A Dream” this time, on the day of ticket snatching, I was still running a fever, but I knew this would be my biggest chance, so I had to do it. I didn’t even pay attention to the date after the snatching, but I felt that it would be safer for me to recover my health if it were the later shows. I received a text message after payment, and I dropped my phone and went to sleep. During the ten days of recuperation, I lay in bed and thought a lot. I was prepared not to watch it if I didn’t test negative. As a Xiaofeixia, I have to be worthy of my idol and audience. I was also prepared for temporarily change actors in case I could not see Xiao Zhan. I thought, even if I couldn’t see him, I was still sitting in the theater where he had performed, and that was a great comfort to me.
Days past in a hurry and finally arrived on the 22nd, everything was fated to be the best arrangement, my ART had turned negative. After getting up in the morning, I dressed up, made an appointment with the hairdresser to have my hair done, and then carried my dreamy sea blue bag (at that time, I made an appointment with 4 other XiaoFeixia sisters to carry it together to watch ADLAD in Beijing, but none of them could come. I must maintain this sense of ritual for them). Went straight to the Baoli Theater, collected tickets, passed security checks, queued up for ticket inspection, and entered… until I sat in my seat, I still feel unreal, am I really going to see Xiao Zhan? Will Patient No. 5 not be him after the opening? It was funny in my recollection, this was the uneasiness and nervousness that I never had in the past, how much do I love this boy? “Welcome to Yanghua’s performance of ‘A Dream Like a Dream’. Today’s performance is about 8 hours long…” Xiao Zhan’s clear and soft voice seemed to have the magic power of calming people’s hearts. The whole theater became quiet, and my heart also slowly calmed down, I thought, I am really going to enter the dream.
Like a dream, entering the dream
ADLAD’s opening, “Traveler Music” sounded, the performers walked onto the stage from all directions, and walked around the lotus pond. They seemed to have come to a strange place at the beginning, and the walking speed was very slow. More and more people joined, one or two of them began to rush, and then everyone seemed to be in a hurry, the whole team became more and more anxious, some people started running, I only saw Xiao Zhan in the running crowd, I was really stupid come to think of it. I always thought that he should be wearing the caramel-colored jacket of the curtain call at the beginning, therefore I didn’t pick up the binoculars, because I thought he was not in the crowd at the beginning. But when he ran, I saw his long legs at a glance, and I locked on the target almost instantly. This perfect body proportion, he was wearing the most ordinary clothes, but he was still handsome and stylish. He seemed to be thinner again, he was obviously very buffed during the live broadcast previously. This was the self-cultivation of a professional actor, and he adjusted to the most suitable state for the role in the shortest time. Wasn’t this what we are most proud of because he respects the audience and loves the stage? Everyone stopped, and he stood facing the audiences. From my binoculars, I could clearly see his facial features. The face that stirs my soul, was more pronounced and smaller than the one on the screen. The skin was delicate and firm, flawless, the bridge of the nose is straight like that of a sculpture, the eyes are full of stories, the end of the eyes is slightly red, maybe he was already very involved during the rehearsal…
Ding ding… A string of bell rings from the elderly Gu Xianglan pulled me back to the stage. I felt ashamed for a moment. I came to see theater actor Xiao Zhan. I should appreciate his performance with the most pious heart, why was I addicted to his appearance? I gathered my thoughts and returned to the plot, and the performers began to introduce Zhuang Rumeng’s story. “It is said that in the state of Qi at the end of the Warring States period, there was a poet named Zhuang Heng. It was a chaotic world full of violence, and Qin, which was located in the west, swallowed up neighboring countries step by step…” At this time, Xiao Zhan’s voice is different from the opening announcements, and while it was also an articulate introduction, this voice was telling the story. He has finished telling his lines among all the performers, and naturally integrated himself into the play. In this stage. I didn’t know much about the relationship between Zhuang Rumeng’s story and this play before, but after watching the play, I understood that this story led to the theme of this play – life is like a dream, perhaps life may be a dream that is difficult to wake up from, you could not judge whether the environment you are in is reality or a dream, perhaps real life is far more absurd than a dream. This feeling between dreams and reality runs throughout the whole play, and also runs throughout the past and present lives of Patient No. 5 and Gu Xianglan.
The second scene where Patient No. 5B (Xiao Zhan) appeared was against the background of Patient No. 5A telling the story about a shepherd, which is very similar to Patient No. 5’s own story, but the difference is that, to the shepherd, the tragedy of the separation of his wife and children was a dream, but to Patient No. 5, it was an unavoidable reality. Perhaps in Patient No. 5’s heart, he hoped that his fate will be the same as that of the shepherd, that all the experiences were just a dream, and after waking up from the dream, he would still have a happy and stable life. In this narration, Patient No. 5B and his wife walked around the stage across the lotus pond. His expression was calm and normal, just like his normal life track at that time.
After Patient No. 5A finally told his story, Patient No. 5B walked next to his wife. He had met his wife, and he was finally pushed by fate to change his life… In this scene, Xiao Zhan’s performance is fully relaxed and fluid with ease. The most impressive points: 1st, the sense of faith without physical props, he would slow down when holding sushi with chopsticks for fear of dropping, the expression of rushing to swallow down after being choked by wasabi, and even added the action of pounding his thigh to help ease the choking sensation. The clumsy and cuteness pretending to be a father holding a baby doll, these movements were so harmonious and natural, that while you know he was acting without physical props, he managed to make you believe that those things were in front of you. 2nd is that I saw through Patient No. 5’s personality with his performance. He was gentle, elegant, humorous, and this was probably why his wife chose him after her previous relationship ended. But at the same time, he was also kind, restrained, forbearing and helpless, such as when his child was incurably ill and his wife broke down yelling at the doctor, he endured his anxiety while comforting his wife and begged the doctor. The moment he knelt in front of the doctor, I saw a man’s deep sense of helplessness. After the child passed away, he also started to fall sick and had a fever. He became a burden to his wife and they became strangers with nothing to say to each other. Then he often received strange phone calls in the middle of the night. He knew it was for his wife, but the most ruthless thing he ever said on the phone was, “The phone bill is yours. I have a lot of time, so I will fight with you!” Everyone is very familiar with the “Pick up!” To me, it was not an emotional outburst, it was just that his eyes are shaded and his voice was higher than usual, but he is still trying his best to control and maintain his demeanor. Including the sentence “She bought grilled corn over there just now!” It is also slightly different from what I saw in the previously recorded versions. It was less cry of breaking down, and more confusion and sorrow. This may be what he meant when he said his time gap had widened, and he could make some adjustments that were more in line with the character’s personality in a deeper performance. 3rd was the control of the voice. Patient No. 5 is from Taipei, and he could easily bring people into the plot with his Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent, especially when he was speaking a lot of lines, the ending sound always made me feel that this was a gentle and elegant Taiwanese man. Even this time he had a slightly nasal voice, which is more suitable for the sick Patient No. 5. I could not describe his eyebrows and eyes now, but his voice will always echo clearly in my mind, the voice of the limited edition Patient No. 5.
After seeking medical treatment to in vain, Patient No. 5 chose to travel. He planned to experience the world in his limited life, so he came to Paris, met Jiang Hong, and had a relationship with her and had a period of sweet and happy times, my mood was also joyful and relaxed. If I could always be seated in the theater and in the dream then I hope my Patient No. 5 could continue to be happy like this. The presentation of this part of his acting skill was more intuitive with the audience’s reaction. For example, he finally understood the word “coffee” in French, and happily gestured with his hands. For example, he deliberately changed the Chinese intonation, thinking that it would turn into French to be understood. For example, when he cupped his cheeks obediently in a kawaii movement, he absolutely melted out hearts, waves of laughter came from the audience, and when he exclaimed as he and Jiang Hong hugged each other on the bed, it made me believe that the theater is an art form that resonates strongly with the audience, where every audience is also a participant, their applause, laughter, breath, heartbeat gave the actors affirmation and appreciation. I think, Zhan must love this kind of stage very much, as a performer, with timely feedback to him, with audiences who understood him, this kind of happiness cannot be experienced by other forms of performance.
In order to find the cause of the illness, Jiang Hong took Patient No. 5 to meet a gypsy. The gypsy told him that the mystery in his life must be solved using other mysteries, pointing to the lake where he can “see himself”, and Castle Duchamp. He and Jiang Hong came to Normandy, stayed in the castle, and were mistaken as Japanese. This performance made me feel Xiao Zhan’s language talent even further. He had a lot of lines mixed with Japanese and Chinese, but he spoke so fluently and funnily, almost every scene the audience would laugh along with him. I thought to myself, would he say every of his lines exactly the same every performance? There was no Japanese pronunciation in the script, so will such a natural and funny performance also include improvisation on the premise of memorizing the lines? A good theater actor, as he himself said, must be a tightly screwed screw, but he would naturally incorporate some characteristics into this tight link, so this was Xiao Zhan’s unique Patient No. 5.
There are two details in this story that I remember deeply. One was that on the journey to the castle, they met a beggar. The street was full of people in a hurry, and only Patient No. 5 stopped to give the beggar some cash. He was a terminally ill man who has lost his wife and children, but the kindness in his heart still allowed him to help the weak. I watched him put down the cash, and my eyes quickly filled with tears. The second was the question about the injustice of fate, “everything changed since a disease I didn’t know came to me one day. I had no choice! Did I know this germ? Why did it come to me? Me? I don’t know. But it’s here!” At that moment, I felt sorry for Patient No. 5, but at the same time I was also glad that he was just the Patient No. 5 in my dream.
In the lake where he could see himself, he saw his previous reincarnation—the Baron, and an oil painting in the castle. In the painting, there was a French man and a Chinese woman. This man was the Baron. The steward of the castle told him that the woman in the painting is still in Shanghai, so Patient No. 5 broke up with Jiang Hong and went to Shanghai alone to find the mystery in his life. After searching several times, he found the person in the painting, the old Gu Xianglan. The next story revolves around Gu Xianglan’s life.
Regarding the lower half, it was also a wonderful performance, which was worth everyone sitting in the lotus pond to enjoy. Xu Qing was so charming, her skin was pure like snow, and her acting skills were exquisite. She shed tears in a second, especially when she bid farewell to Tianxian Court and in preparation to go to France. Under the huge light and shadow of rose petals, she walked towards a new life step by step, her figure was so breathtakingly beautiful. There were also Kong Wei and Hu Huizhong, being able to act with these veteran actors on the same stage and yet be not inferior at all, my Xiao Zhan really makes me very proud!
In the lower half, I sat in a better position in the lotus pond, less than 3 meters away from the hospital bed of Patient No. 5. When I entered, he was already lying there, covered with a blanket, curled in a small ball, and I sat quietly watching him for a few minutes. I can’t hear the breathing sound from the meditation that Doctor Xiaomei gave him. The noise and people coming and going around me had nothing to do with me. I only had him in my eyes. That was the happiest time I have ever had.
The Patient No. 5B at the beginning of the lower half was the narrator. After he woke up from his sleep, he began to tell Doctor Xiaomei the story of looking for Gu Xianglan. This narration is carried out alternately with Patient No. 5A on the other side of the stage and the elderly Gu Xianglan’s performance. I really couldn’t give up this opportunity to watch Xiao Zhan up close, so I stared at his face the whole time, and it was precisely because I kept watching Xiao Zhan, that I saw his rigor and reverence for the performance, even if the light is not on his side, he did not slack off at all, and still cooperated with the performances of the other two actors by adding changes in his eyes and subtle expressions. He was portraying a person’s reaction in memory, as well as the respect for the performers on the other side of the stage.
After Gu Xianglan’s life was over, Patient No. 5 was about to usher in the end of his life. He continued on his journey and came to Jiang Hong’s small apartment, where he found the letter Jiang Hong left for him, “Hi, man with a fever”, he knelt there, his knuckles twisted and was slightly whitish because he wanted to hold the letter tighter, my vision was blurred by tears, but I still felt his sadness in my blurred vision, the end of his eyes were red, tears gradually filled his eyes, the thick sadness submersed around him, and he was keeping it in while performing, this way of acting was even more touching.
The celebration for the new millennium had begun, and the crowd was cheering to throw away the diseases, wars, and misfortunes of the old century, the bell for the future rang, and Patient No. 5 looked at the end of his life alone, the blessings for the new millennium did not belong to him, there were resistance, doubt, enlightenment, and finally relief in his eyes… Xiao Zhan accurately depicted that sense of loneliness, which was in stark contrast to the celebrating crowd around him. At the last moment of his life, Patient No. 5 was still the kind person in his soul, “I only now know that this world, our bodies, were built brick by brick by ourselves, we are our own architects, we build ourselves house.” With his last strength, he inhaled in the pain of Doctor Xiaomei and exhaled the few joys in his life…
Has anyone been to this place? Has anyone seen my face?
I think I remember, I think I forgot, you used to wander in my dreams;
I think I remember, I think I forget, I was, in your dreams, singing;
I think I remember, I think I forgot…
The ethereal singing reminded me that this dream was coming to an end. I looked at him greedily, wanting to engrave his appearance and voice in my mind forever. We will meet again in the future, but maybe it won’t be Patient No. 5, so let me watch for one more second, listen for one more minute, let me remember this memory deeper and longer…
Awakening from the dream
At the curtain call, in order to keep this 3-minute video, I didn’t give my No. 5 the warmest applause, which would be my regret. When I walked out of the theater, there were many fans around the actor’s exit. They were waiting to send their idols off work. I stopped and looked at it, then turned and walked out of the crowd. Dear Xiao Zhan, thank you for taking me to have the most beautiful dream. The distance between actors and audience is the distance between us. Let me look forward to meeting you next time in the most suitable place and on the most public occasion.
Side notes for this performance
The 10th anniversary performance of “A Dream Like A Dream” is destined to be recorded in history. In the past few days, I have seen many reports about the revival of the arts at the end of the year, and almost every article mentioned ADLAD. In such a year with major pandemic, while people were fighting against the virus, the resumption of work and production in the cultural industry had also given people a boost.
To be honest, the sound of coughing in the theater will be one of my unforgettable memories. But when I saw some actors still had a nasal voice after recovering from illness, and even coughed without relying on acting, I was full of respect and admiration for them from the bottom of my heart, and of course this included my favorite Xiao Zhan. Perhaps those performing on stage were also or had been sick, but they brought the confidence and strength to overcome the pain to this group of sick or recovering people in the audience.
From the first day of the curtain call, Xiao Zhan’s smile and satisfaction were written on his face, last night he even gave himself a shout of applause. Seeing his wholehearted performance on the stage he loves, I was very glad that I went to grab tickets, to enjoy his performance, to cheer for his dream. After the curtain call tonight, the 10th anniversary performance of “A Dream Like a Dream” will also come to a successful conclusion. Once again, I would like to pay tribute to the crew and tell actor Xiao Zhan that he’s great!
